As a full-time blogger and podcaster covering mobile, I pride myself on quickly eliminating disruptions while writing creative, outrageous, offensive blog posts, causing my readers and listeners to click away from my blog as they scream “no, no” (< 2 seconds for disruptions and under 4 minutes for each of my brilliant posts).
I’m also a super-fast reader of contest rules, especially Sprint’s “Blaze Across America 4G” promotion fodder, written by verbose, ex-MySpace lawyers who charge by the word.
In fact, I read Sprint’s 3783 word contest rules in under 3 seconds flat, a remarkable feat, probably faster than Sprint’s 4G wireless network. I expect a Guinness world record soon (< 3 seconds).
Second, since I pay my monthly Sprint bill through auto pay, it probably only takes .0045 seconds to bill my credit card, faster than a Google search (< 1 second).
Sending one word text messages to my sister is another feather in my cap. She writes 100 character texts and I reply with “o.k.,” “yes,” “no,” “maybe,” etc., as my quick quips race across the NOW network arriving in milliseconds (2 seconds, even using my Hero‘s sometimes-irksome keypad).
Commuting to work. Since I’m a full-time blogger with a home office, my commute time is 45 seconds, sometimes 30 seconds when I race to my desk. This also takes care of my morning exercise, making me lose at least .0003 pounds (< 1 minute).
Quickly answering telemarketing phone calls is a unique skill. I don’t (0 seconds).
Handling junk mail. I claim the world’s record in quick destruction of all suspicious mail, except for envelopes containing cardboard or plastic (4 seconds).
Total time for the above activities = 6 minutes/12 seconds.
Since I do things super fast, I should easily make it to the finals in Sprint’s “Blaze Across America 4G” contest and get the EVO.
Selected, juicy parts of the contest rules with a few minor asides
BLAZE ACROSS AMERICA WITH 4G CONTEST OFFICIAL RULES
- HERE’S HOW IT WORKS SUMMARY: Sponsor invites Sprint Premier customers to enter online and answer four (4) blogging/social media questions, one of which is a short essay explaining “What you can do really fast” (the “Essay”). (BP: piece of cake, I’m blazing.) At the conclusion of the Entry Period, the Contest Administrator will select ten (10) Semi-Finalists (individually, the “Semi-Finalist” and collectively, the “Semi-Finalists”) who will each receive one (1) HTC EVO 4G phone (the “EVO”) along with one (1) free year of service. (BP: Cool, my kind of carrier.) Semi-Finalists will be asked to blog about their experiences using the EVO. Sponsor will provide a URL for your blog (“Blog Site”). Contest Administrator will also select four (4) finalists from the ten (10) Semi-Finalists (individually, the “Finalist” and collectively, the “Finalists”). Each Finalist will receive one (1) of four (4) long summer weekend trip prize packages to a Sprint 4G city. (BP: I didn’t know Sprint owned cities.) Destination cities will be determined at the sole discretion of Sponsor or Contest Administrator. Trips must be taken no later than 7/31/2010. Blog Sites will be voted on by the public. (BP: Hopefully, people who read blogs–all 10 of them.) At the conclusion of the Voting Period defined below, a bonus cash prize will be awarded to the Finalist whose Blog Site receives the most votes (“Blog Bonus”). Complete Contest details, terms and conditions are described herein. (BP: Similar to “American Idol” and “America’s Got Talent” shows. Sprint, I like your style.)
- QUALIFIED ENTRIES: To be qualified for the Contest, the Essay must (a) be in the English language; (b) at least 150 words; (c) be wholly the original work of the entrant, not be copied from any other source; (d) be true and written solely by the entrant; (e) not entered in any other contest; (f) not have been previously broadcast or otherwise distributed or disseminated in any media or format; (g) not be in the public domain; (h) not be in violation of or conflict with the trademark, copyright, rights of privacy, rights of publicity or any other rights, of any kind or nature, of any other person or entity; and (i) not include any language or other content that is indecent, inappropriate, morally objectionable or otherwise unfit for dissemination or broadcast, as determined by the Sponsor in its discretion. (BP Shoot and I wanted to use colorful language.) Entries not satisfying these criteria in any respect, the Entry will be disqualified. If the Sponsor, in its sole discretion, has reason to believe that any Entry contains any material that may infringe or violate any law or any rights of a third party, or that the use or broadcast or such Entry in the manner described herein may infringe or violate any law or any rights of a third party, the Sponsor may immediately disqualify such Entry and take any other measures the Sponsor may deem appropriate. (BP: Will you cancel my Sprint account?)
- SPONSOR’S RIGHTS TO ENTRIES: By submitting an Entry, you grant the Sponsor the unconditional and perpetual right and permission to copyright, reproduce, encode, store, copy, transmit, publish, post, broadcast, display, publicly perform, adapt, modify, create derivative works of, exhibit, and otherwise use the Entry (with or without using your name) in any media throughout the world for any purpose, without limitation, and without additional review, compensation, or approval from you or any other party. (BP: Hate those derivatives; probably will worsen the housing crisis.)
- SELECTION OF SEMI-FINALISTS: Judging will commence at the time the Contest begins and continue until all Entries submitted prior to the Contest end time have been reviewed by the Sponsor or Contest Administrator. Sponsor and Contest Administrator will select five (5) Semi-Finalists from a Sprint 3G City and five (5) Semi-Finalists from a Sprint 4G city. A current list of 4G markets is available at sprint.com/4G. Judging will be based upon the criteria set forth below: Creativity – 40% Originality – 20% Humor – 20% Overall Entertainment Value of Submission – 20% (BP: I was hoping for least 40% humor and 30% entertainment value; can I change the mix?)
- TERMINATION OF BLOG SITE. You agree that Sponsor in its sole discretion, has the right to delete or deactivate your Blog Site, block your email or IP address, or otherwise terminate your access to or use of the Blog Site (or any part thereof), immediately and without notice, and remove and discard any Content within the Service, for any reason, including, without limitation, if Sponsor believes that you have acted inconsistently with these Official Rules. Further, you agree that Sponsor shall not be liable to you or any third-party for any termination of your access to the Blog Site. Further, you agree not to attempt to use the Blog Site after said termination. (BP: I think Sprint is turning into a blogging company. Think of all the blog content they’ll own by the end of the contest.)
For complete contest details, check out the Sprint site. May the best blogger win (hopefully me).