Mobile Phone Brand Names

Years ago when you talked with your friends about cell phones, the conversation went something like this:

“So, I see you’ve got an LG VX-9200. My Moto V195 has better voice quality.”

Now when you talk about “your mobile”–especially if you’re a smartphone freak, here’s the conversation:

“Well, man, I think my HTC Imagio is a lot cooler than your Motorola Renegade.” Or…”My BlackBerry Storm beats the pants off your Nokia Twist.”

But as Shakespeare wrote in “Romeo and Juliet”:

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

Today Shakespeare would never have been hired as manager of mobile phone brand names. So other bright marketers of lesser skill took over.

Verizon Wireless Mobile Phone Brand Names

Droid (“a person regarded as lifeless or mechanical.” This should do wonders for Verizon Christmas sales and make all the Android folks happy.)
Nokia Shade (This phone is intended for people with light complexions. The Shade has an umbrella that automatically pops-up when the sun’s out.) The ultimate mobile phone brand name.
PCD Razzle (as in “razzle-dazzle”; makes you feel very cool and attractive to the opposite sex.)
HTC Imagio (combines imagination with magic; people are amazed at your brilliance; named by an Italian guy who’s learning English.)
Motorola Barrage (Moto is no wimp; the Barrage has built-in darts; don’t like someone? IM them a dart; also a new feature on Facebook, the company with lots of mobile phone brand name managers these days.)
Nokia Twist (Ever get irritated when you phone misbehaves? Don’t throw it to the ground and stomp on it; just twist it.)
HTC Touch Pro 2 (A newer version of the Touch for people who hate touch screens; the new touch screen has one button–the number “2”–so you’re sure to hit it 100% of the time.)
Motorola Entice (Hey, gals, here’s your chance to enter the male-dominated mobile phone guy world; choose your mate, press one button and your favorite perfume sprays directly into his face. Very….very cool. If you have two boyfriends with different perfume preferences, no problem; the Moto Entice supports two perfumes.
Samsung Intensity (for intense, highly concentrated mobile users)
Samsung Rogue (Face it, people don’t like your behavior but find you attractive. Create your personal brand on Twitter: “I’m attractive but a rogue. I’m a Samsung guy.”)
PCD Escapade (You’re exciting, daring and adventurous, eh? Proclaim it to the world in your MySpace profile; MySpace, the social network totally lacking a manager of mobile phone brand names)
BlackBerry Storm/Storm 2 (O.k., RIM screwed up the first version, but what do you expect in the middle of a storm fight against the iPhone? Let the business world know you’re serious; as soon as you have the Storm 2, post to LinkedIn.)
HTC Ozone (intended for ex-helium freaks who now love breathing in fresh ozone from the ocean; makes you very mellow.)
LG Glance (very useful camera when you’re in a bar or restaurant; takes quick photos as your eyes glance at your favorite companion. Immediately posts photos to Flickr.)
Samsung Trance (Have any irritating people in your lives? The Trance has built-in geometric wallpaper. Whenever you meet people who perturb you, just hold the phone’s screen next to their eyes, causing them to go into ga-ga land. Problem solved.) Nice going, mobile phone brand names guy/gal.
Samsung Alias 2 (What is this with Samsung? They have all the good names. This phone turns you into another person by changing all profile information in your phone with a single click. Want to be Madonna? Click. Michael Jackson? Click. Great at parties.)
Samsung Smooth (Ah, yes, the ultimate phone. Rubbing its titanium surface turns you into one of the most charming people on Earth. Use when asking your boss for a raise.)
Nokia Intrigue (Into Symbian? This phone plays strange, loud sounds causing people to approach you and enter their telephone numbers on your keyboard. Great for creating marketing lists. The ultimate opt-in tool for the business professional on the go.)
Nokia Mirage (makes you disappear when undesirable people approach you. “Where did Mary go?”)
Motorola Rapture (I’ll leave this one to your imagination.)
LG Chocolate (For Chocoholics who want to lose weight. Has a 12-step app that emits the smell of chocolate, then slowly reduces the dose over time. Guaranteed to wean you off the stuff in six weeks or your money back.)

Sprint Mobile Phone Brand Names

Palm Pre (Palm couldn’t have named the phone the “Palm Post”; sounds like an online forum entry; “pre” is an abbreviation of “previous,” as in “before the Palm 650,” everyone’s favorite PDA.)
HTC Hero (My new phone; I’ve always wanted to be a hero.)
Palm Treo Pro (Palm had to change the name since its earlier Treo’s kept crashing.)
HTC Touch Pro (To separate the geeks from the neophytes who need QWERTY plastic keyboards to type on.)
Motorola Renegade (For iPhone haters and other rebels.)
LG Lotus (square shaped phone for those who like lilies floating in ponds.)
Samsung Intrepid (Meaning fearless or adventurous.)
Sanyo Katana Eclipse (Your phone disappears every time there’s an eclipse; doesn’t happen too often, but be prepared. “Hank, where did my phone go?”)
Samsung Instinct (No user’s manual. This phone is for mobile geeks.)
Samsung Reclaim (Intended for environmentalists. When you change phones, press one button and the phone dissolves into non-metallic, organic compost.) The Sierra Club’s Manager of Mobile Phone Brand Names contributed this one.
Samsung Ace (Counts cards at poker tables in Vegas and zaps the dealer.)
BlackBerry Tour (Need a vacation? Want to get away from all those messages? At set times, all emails are wiped clean off your device and the browser launches with videos of Tahiti.)
Samsung Exclaim (Intended for would-be journalists who stand on street corners exclaiming their world views, which are automatically tweeted to their friends on Twitter.)

AT&T Mobile Phone Brand Names

HTC Pure (Approved by the Sisters of Mobile Purity in Huntsville, Alabama. HTC has installed Church bell ring tones, Vatican wallpaper and the entire Catholic version of the Bible. Call length maximum is set for 5 minutes at which point the call drops and a warning SMS text message is sent advising the offending sister to talk less. HTC considers the phone a perfect match for AT&T’s congested network.)
Nokia Classic (A timeless, entertainment-oriented mobile phone with 100 top classical music selections, chosen by Gian Luca Cioletti, formerly with Nokia. Goes well with a glass of Chianti.)
Samsung Solstice (Geared to mobile users who follow the Sun. When the Winter Solstice occurs, just before Christmas, the phone immediately plays “I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” The Summer Solstice tune is, of course, Elvis singing “Blue Hawaii.” Samsung considers the Solstice a “seasonal” concept phone targeted at Druids and others who closely connect with nature.)
Samsung Magnet (Realizing how often mobile phones are stolen, Samsung released the Magnet, which clings to any metal surface and only releases upon hearing the owner’s voice. Owners may also turn on its “attract” app. Point the phone at anyone you like and, like a magnet, the person hurls forward into your arms.
Samsung Propel (Same phone as the Magnet but works in reverse to get rid of people you don’t like.)
LG Xenon (A concept phone LG says makes the user glow after a 20 minute phone call, not unexpected considering LG’s run hot.)
Samsung Impression (A clever mobile device that transmits impressions to people near the phone. Built-in impressions include “I like you,” “I don’t like you,” “will you be my friend?” and other personal messages that stimulate the frontal cortex of the brain.)
Samsung Rugby (Aimed at young males who plays sports, the Rugby makes a social statement at school, work and play and can be programmed to tweet “I’m a Rugby jock” on Twitter every 24 hours. Users claim a highly targeted increase in followers who like the sport.)
iPhone 3G The ultimate smartphone for iPhone owners who refused to upgrade. It’s a high bandwidth device. AT&T is offering free tethering to all iPhone users who tweet “I love AT&T.” For every 100 pro-AT&T tweets, AT&T will credit iPhone users’ accounts with 1 megabyte of bandwidth. (AT&T lack a Manager of Mobile Phone Brand Names for this model.)
BlackBerry Pearl (As smartphone competition increases, RIM is planning a new marketing campaign. Every 200 BlackBerry Pearls now contain a real pearl valued at $3,000 and redeemable for AT&T products and services.)

T-Mobile Mobile Phone Brand Names

Motorola Cliq (Moto’s Android OS phone, the Cliq, an abbreviation of “clique” is meant for users who set high standards for friendship. A background app, called “Cliq and Claq” constantly monitors friends’ locations and social media engagement. Friends who don’t meet standards are immediately dropped from the Cliq’s address book.)
Samsung Gravity (a phone intended for owners who want to stay trim and fit by increasing their phone’s weight burning more calories whenever they walk or run. The ultimate cardio and weight-resistance workout phone)
HTC myTouch (HTC’s revised version of the youTouch and weTouch phones that were rated poorly in marketing focus groups)
Samsung Comeback (Samsung’s latest “ex” phone intended to reunite divorced folks. Pressing one button sends SMS messages like “I love you,” “You were meant for me,” “How can I go On,” etc. to the significant other. The phone also monitors iTunes and Amazon MP3 downloads for each person, automatically purchases their favorite songs and transmits them to their mobile phones.)
HTC Dash (In its latest version, the HTC Dash has a customized Twitter app restricted to 10 characters. The new feature, called “Twit-10” is an engrossing mind game as users try to communicate with few characters. Two examples: “UGotMyPh#S” and “GoEat@Rest.” Twitter love the API, which should reduce network traffic.)

Virgin Mobile Mobile Phone Brand Names

Samsung Mantra (Targeted at the meditation market, Samsung’s unique AutoMantra feature delivers repetitive audio messages for users who want to quit smoking, improve relationships and become happier people. The wake-up messages are especially effective (“you’re going to have a great day,” “success will come every time you breathe” and “fame and fortune are just around the corner.” Samsung partnered with the Golden Fish Fortune Cookie company for content.)
Kyocera Melo (As in mellow; the mobile phone brand names product manager left out a couple of letters.)
Pantech Ocean 2 (Ocean lovers are treated to the sounds of ocean surf, crashing waves and such.)
Samsung Mysto (The only mobile phone on the market that periodically sprays users with healing oils. A tiny spray unit is attached to the back of the Mysto.)
Kyocera Adreno (Intended for mobile users complaining about lack of energy. Every time users touch the “A” button on their phones, they get a 10 volt jolt. Numerous companies have issued the phones to their workers for increased productivity.)

So, there you have it. The best mobile phone brand names to hit the streets so far. More to come in a MobileBeyond update.